The Jersey City Independent "

So, say you’re spending some, uh, intimate time with a friend.

You’re hittin’ the headboard; macking the mattress; shaking the sheets, dig?… And maybe your friend calls out, “Oh God, YES!… OHhmhuh GOD!… OH, GODDDDDDDDD!!!“

Now, you wouldn’t exactly call that ‘praying.’

So it’s a bit audacious of Leona Beldini to argue that a tape in which she says, “Don’t lie. Don’t cheat. Don’t steal,” amidst an abundance of illicit activity is proof of her moral rectitude.

At least, that’s what it seems like the defense is saying. Like the mystery of faith, it’s sometimes hard to discern their true meaning.

The second week of Beldini’s federal corruption trial began on Monday with The Bow Tie (née: Brian J. Neary) leading the sacred ritual of defense in his much anticipated cross-examination of the government’s busy-bodied mole, Solomon Dwek.

“Good morning, Mr. Dwek.”

“Good morning, Mr. Neary.”

A pause.

“Is it Mr. Dwek or Rabbi Dwek?”

Mr. Dwek reaffirms that he is a ‘mister.’ The Bow Tie wants to know if he’s ever held himself out to be a rabbi. Dwek says no.

Ah ha, Neary counters, but your FATHER — he is a rabbi, no?

Oh yes, he is, and with that, The Bow Tie has broached a very sensitive subject — Shlomo’s fam.

See, Dwek had a bit of a falling out with his relatives. There were news reports that they sat Shiva for him last summer when they learned that he had informed on other Jews to non-Jews. But today Mr. Dwek denies that such a service was held. Mr. Neary asks Dwek if he understands what sitting Shiva means. Of course, Dwek says.

The Bow Tie starts talking about Don’t lie. Don’t cheat. Don’t steal. “Jerry Healy’s code,” he says…. Tell me, Mr. Dwek, do you live by such strictures?

Dwek says he does and has, since May of 2006. The start of what he calls his “cooperation.” Though not so much with God as the federal government.

The Bow Tie begs to differ — this man couldn’t have gotten religion in the spring of ’06…. Not someone who ROBBED a BANK…. True, Dwek is a bank-robber, but only in a manner of speaking. In April 2006, Shlomo rolled up to the drive-thru teller’s window at a PNC and bounced a $25.2 million check into orbit. He did it again, later… that very same day.

So you can see why The Bow Tie showboats for the jury. Yuh know, Mr. Dwek, the bank isn’t just a building; it represents people’s hard-earned money…. Neary begins a long series of questions about how Shlomo makes his keep these days…. What’s that you say? You’re the WORST of the WORST—a THIEF with a mouth full of GOVERNMENT CHEESE?… and we’re not talking Velveeta here, folks. We’re talking $12K a month, with a government-leased Lexus SUV in the driveway.

And then all of a sudden, it’s back to religion. The Bow Tie starts asking about the yarmulke Dwek wears. It’s a cover, Dwek tells him. He’s not supposed to walk more than four steps without one. But Neary demands to know, “What does it symbol?”

Shlomo says he was brought up to wear it. That “it’s one of the 613 commandments in the Bible.”

“The Torah?” Neary asks.

“Yes.”

613 sounds like a big number. For starters, it’s 610 more than Mayor Healy’s ban on liars, cheaters and stealers…. But The Bow Tie suggests they meet at a happy middle: say, 10.

Ten Holy Commandments. Neary asks Dwek if he can name a couple, and the witness musters up not killing, honoring thy parents, respecting the Sabbath — among others.

Bow Tie reminds Dwek how he has not honored his father. (Ouch.)

Then he asks about adultery, or whether Dwek had ever coveted another man’s wife? (Now he’s really gotten our attention.) For once, Dwek has the nonchalant look of an innocent man. He may have done some scummy things in his life, but never to his darling dearest.

But wait a second, The Bow Tie implores, have you ever ASSISTED in adultery or the coveting of another man’s wife? Dwek maintains, “No.”

Yet The Bow Tie presses Dwek on his investment in a Floridian gambling-boat-gone-bust, which was later converted into a barge-of-ill-repute. Dwek said that while he assented to the bankrupt boat being leased out, he would have had some serious qualms with it being pimped out.

See? Even Dwek can be a Holy Roller when he wants to be.

Though The Bow Tie’s not buying it. His questioning moves on to some other commandments.

“You believe you haven’t killed anyone?”

At this, the Judge’s head snaps to attention. He looks about ready to cast a lightning bolt down at Mr. Neary.

Assistant U.S. Attorney Sandra Moser is starting to make objections. Unlike The Bow Tie’s zealous leaps, she rises out of her chair slowly. Theirs is the difference of the skeptic and the converted. The prosecution is assured by hard evidence that they are in the right. The defense must make the jury believe.

Neary starts talking about Dwek’s collaboration with the FBI. “Did they operate the way you like to operate?”

“Objection,” Moser says in her slightly smoky voice.

Bow Tie explains the question and Dwek responds by excusing his more recent duplicities as in the service of a higher power: The Department of Justice. Though Dwek eventually resorts to saying, “I did not lie, cheat or steal.”

It’s a miracle! The Bow Tie’s doing it! He’s framing the debate!… Another few questions and the words “operate the way I like to operate” — a phrase from the transcripts but brilliantly re-branded by Neary — pass Mr. Dwek’s lips. Hallelujah!

And then, all of a sudden, Neary changes the subject.

The Bow Tie pivots. Now he’s da Vinci, painting Jack Shaw and Eddie Cheatam as twin Judas Iscariots, the snakes around the apostles of Mayor Healy. You see, Dwek paid out large commissions to those who brought him corrupt politicians to bribe. How in the heavens could little ol’ Leona known that her friends were so eager to find someone — anyone — to feed to the lions?

And then, another turn. Look, Mr. Dwek, there’s that hard-working waitress who you mocked with your crooked buddies!

You can almost hear the courtroom wonder, ‘What is he doing?… Gee, the Lord of Horizontal Neckwear sure works in mysterious ways.’

Neary turns again: this time to Leona Beldini’s strong moral code and apparent cluelessness. She could have never imagined that Shaw and Cheatam were funneling for Dwek!… He’s on that curve for a while before he turns again to how the expensive government-recommended security service Mr. Dwek has hired also played a part in the wiretaps…. Then he turns to how naive the supposedly conniving Dwek was. Huh? And then more on how devious Shaw and Cheatam were. And then, no, Leona had no vote, no influence…. You’re rotten to your family, Mr. Dwek…. Why don’t you understand what a political contribution is?… That wicked Jack Shaw…. What about the payments to George W. Bush’s PAC?… Look at this FedEx envelope!… Spell the word ‘CASH!’

Individually, it makes sense. But a defense can only handle so many turns before it starts spinning out of control.

The Bow Tie’s defense moves around like the Stations of the Cross, except that story was chronological. By the time he’s wrapping up for the day, Neary might as well have carved out another commandment: MEMBERS OF THE JURY, THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT THIS TO MEMORY.

Or maybe that’s the point. Perhaps Neary is trying to blur the lines, make the jury see apparitions in every tape recording. He will wrap up his cross-examination at some point on Tuesday, and he will probably sculpt some sense out of it all.

In the end, it all comes down to whether or not you believe Beldini is a saint. Whether she has, “Don’t lie. Don’t cheat. Don’t steal,” written on her heart. That she was oblivious to all the sin swirling around her.

Judging by her courtroom demeanor alone, Beldini seems too high and mighty to be a saint. For even the holiest fall to their knees and beg for forgiveness. Beldini believes she has nothing to confess to, nothing to apologize for. Some might frown on her for that, but it’s not her fault. Such an affectation is an article of faith in Hudson County politics.

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