Spoiler Alert! JCI’s Predictions for the First Five Episodes of ‘Snooki and JWoww vs. the World’

Nineteen days into filming Snooki’s and JWoww’s Jersey Shore spin-off, and with no observed hard partying lending to the drama, it’s been easy to establish some key plot points for those who want to follow the reality show in real time. Below, our predictions for the first five episodes.

Episode 1:

The girls decide to move out on their own and room together. Inspired by the neighborhood they discover in tomorrow night’s Jersey Shore season finale special, filmed two weekends ago at PJ Ryan’s and Powerhouse Lounge, Snooki and JWoww settle on Jersey City. They visit apartments good and bad – Snooki did run out of one after pretending she saw a rat – before a handsome Italian “realtor” shows them properties on Mercer St. JWoww points her finger in the realtor’s chest, warning him not to screw up again, and afterward he shows them the firehouse.

What you won’t see: Snooki’s Escalade parked in front of a fire hydrant. The girls living at the Newport Westin. None of the properties have “For Rent” signs. One apartment has a family living in it, watching filming on their stoop play out from their front window.

Episode 2:

Snooki and JWoww go shopping at furniture and hardware stores from the Heights to River Edge, trying their hand at interior decoration. Their boyfriends, Jionni and Roger show up one night helping them move in all their personal belongings in laundry bins and open boxes. The next night they come back, this time to celebrate JWoww’s 27th birthday, with teddy bears and Coach shopping bags in tow. Then they all pile into a cab and head out to party at O’Connell’s Bar and Grill.

What you won’t see: Snooki’s car accident at River Edge, Snooki drinking at JWoww’s birthday party, that the “taxi” is actually a production van with out of state plates.

Episode 3:

Something has to happen in Episode 3, but we’re stumped. For about a week, before Snooki exclusively reveals her pregnancy and Valentine’s Day engagement to US Weekly, all excitement grinds to a halt, and she and JWoww spend almost ten days falling into the routine of moneyed, unemployed, Jersey City girls with too much idle time. During this time they explore their new neighborhood making multiple trips to Synergy Fitness, Crystal Sun Nail & Spa, K9dergarten Dog Day Care, Legal Grounds, and Kanibal Home.

It’s not inconceivable that this entire episode may be dedicated to JWoww’s finally pampering her seldom walked dogs Bella and Joell.

What you won’t see: Snooki accidentally wearing her engagement ring for a half block, before the US Weekly story broke, cutting into the magazine’s exclusive. JWoww illegally parking all over town.

Episode 4:

Now rocking her ring and baby bump, Snooki and JWoww want to celebrate the good news. Embracing their proximity to New York, they take to the city like a pair of bridge and tunnel teenagers who just flipped through a decade-old Time Out New York seeking something fun to do, hitting up the Museum of Sex and Lucky Cheng’s.

The next day, JWoww and Roger pick up a cake from Made With Love to take to Snooki’s engagement party in East Hanover, and Snooki loves the cake so much she and JWoww take a cooking class at the bakery cafe, then dine with their new friends. A more responsible Snooki passes on the red wine for water.

What you won’t see: You might actually see it, since cameras rolled; JWoww opts for an electronic cigarette over the real thing in front of a pregnant Snooki.

Episode 5:

Snooki and JWoww take Cancun?

According to a rumor reported by yesterday’s Jersey Journal, and confirmed by a dozen tweets from Newark Airport this morning, the Jersey Shore stars took flight early this morning for a three night Spring Break getaway. Filming resumes in Jersey City on Saturday.

Adam Robb

a frequent contributor to the Jersey Journal and NJ.com. He is a freelance writer living in Jersey City, whose work has appeared in publications including Philadelphia Weekly, Atlantic City Weekly, and Time Out New York. His own blog, The Life Vicarious, has appeared on CBS Sunday Morning, and has been featured in The New York Times and on the New York Post‘s Page Six.